“T’would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus,” he said “The wife says it’s okay.“I’ll paint ya in da nude alright. but I has to at least leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes.”...A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the Station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fire-fighter’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look. ‘That sure is a nice fire truck, ‘ the fire-fighter said with admiration.‘Thanks, ‘ the girl replied. The fire fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.‘Little partner, ‘ the fire-fighter said, ‘I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.’The little girl replied thoughtfully, ‘You’re. She never shied away from a challenge. For a 36 year old divorced woman, with two kids, she is surprisingly young at heart. She loves new and exciting experiences and it’s adorable, but she’s also a freak like me.“I have to head to the bathroom, but I’ll meet you back at the apartment!” I shout as I scurry myself out of the gymnasium and down the hallway.I finally make it to the bathroom and my phone rings, so naturally I go to take it out to turn it off and I dropped it in the toilet!“Fuck sakes, are you shitting me right now?!” I scream, out of all the things that could happen, of course that’s what I do.I don’t even bother grabbing my phone out of the murky toilet water, I just head straight towards the sink. I go to the soap dispenser, no. fucking. soap. I’m starting to feel like someone is playing a bad prank on a voodoo doll of mine, I hope she looks hot at least.I reluctantly peer down the hallway, it seemed everyone cleared the school pretty quickly after the ceremony. I don’t.
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